It's Puppy Love

Here are some PUP-dates from our little family. Our big boy is 4.5 months old and weighing in between 55-59 lbs. He is so big some times its hard to remember he's a puppy, but boy he sure is!

Henry and Chipper BFF!

Henry actually talks back! Sometimes its kinda rude! I'll be telling him to do something and he always has A LOT to say about it! I caught him in the act for this picture!

They love love love to play ball!

Here are my big boys barking at the 2.5 pound Maltese puppy next door. I think it'd be an unfair fight!

Hope everyone is having a great day! And I wanna say congrats to one of my three favorite infertiles check out her blog here http://afterthechapel.blogspot.com . Thanks Jennifer for saying something we all need to hear and reminding us that God has a plan for us all!

Cassie

Im in love, Im in love, and I dont care who knows it!

This past Friday started off pretty badly. the hubs and I got up at 6:30 on his day off so I could go and get stuck with a needle for the third time in 6 days. Three hours later I got a phone call from my gyn's office (which by the way I let go to voicemail, immature I know but its way easier to not have to interact with the bad news) and my beta-hcg test was declining. This means no baby this month... Pretty dark day until about 1:30.
That afternoon we met with our new RE (reproductive endocrinologist). He is an amazing doctor and I LOVE HIM! The first thing he said was "ahh your young, I love youth" and about 50 times during our consult he said, "you're just so young". It was so nice to hear. I was also delighted to hear all the answers to my questions that I have been asking my gyn's nurse for the past six months and she had nothing to say... The doctor explained to me that women, like me, who have PCOS are most commonly prescribed Clomid. For these women 50% will get pregnant and 50% will not. I am obviously a part of the 50% that did not, and for those women the side effects caused by clomid are way more severe. Example- I was shocked to step onto the scale and discover that in the past 7 months since I started taking Clomid I had gained an additional 27 pounds. I was horrified, but the doctor reassured me it was quite normal for women who do not get pregnant to gain this much or even more weight from Clomid. Also I explained to him how my periods have gotten increasingly more painful and the blood is no longer red, its brown. He said this is a tell tale sign that my endometriosis is back and he immediately recommended that I have another laproscopic surgery. For women with endometriosis Clomid does one of two things, makes you pregnant so it goes away, or makes it increase at a high rate. Boy aren't I lucky!
Needless to say I wont be taking Clomid anymore. I have a total new plan of action! We are taking this month off to let all of the hormones get out of my system. In the mean time I have begun a drastic diet and exercise program. Don't judge. If you had gained as much weight as I have since your wedding you would too! We are hoping to schedule my surgery for sometime this cycle. It shouldn't be to bad. I've gone through it before, it's minimally invasive and quick recovery time and hopefully my cramps will stop! Then we are on to our new course of hormone treatment!! Femara and follistem injections! The doctor explained to us that I will not have near as many side effects from the new medication, no blurred vision, no mood swings (Pat is sooo thankful for this), and maybe even weight loss!!! Hallelujah! And it works twice as well!
Pat and I were so pleased with this course of action and elated that the RE didn't shove IVF (in-vitro fertilization) down our throats. He said IVF is still far off and we have A LOT of options before we get that far. So all and all it was a wonderful day we left feeling so positive and refreshed. My husband and I could not have asked for a better match in an RE. He is being really agressive but at the same time conservative. Im in love!
In the mean time, I awoke this morning to greet an old friend. Hello Aunt Flo. Thanks for bring me a lovely gift complete with terrible, awful, no good, very bad cramps and of course bloating. Ahh how I look forward to the days when you don't appear every month! Hopefully very soon! Until then I will continue to be a crampy camper who gets to boss my husband around for a few days! YAY!
Cassie

The Two Week Wait

So for every infertile girl out there you know how much this time really stinks. The 2ww is the longest time and its so funny because really two weeks isn't that long. During this time a crazy woman takes over my body, obsessed with every little twinge, analyzing every thing I put into my mouth (or want to put into my mouth), googling that same thing over and over again, So this abnormal girl in the middle of her 2ww is putting together a list of my normal 2ww behaviors. Brace yourself... this is my life.
1. For a week after ovulation I don't move, no vigorous exercise, no sex, no lifting, nothing... Don't wanna jar anything.
2. No caffeine and no alcohol. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love coffee, but I'd give up anything for a baby. And though i have been known to have a beer every once and a while (insert gasps here) really you and your baby don't share a blood line until six weeks. I'm not over doing it in the past 3 months I have had 2 beers. I read on an infertility website "Drink until its pink" meaning the lines on the test. While I don't booze it up all the time it is nice to relax.
3. GOOGLE, its really freakish how one person can google the same thing so many times. Sometimes I even change around the wording to try and get different results, but every time its basically -early pregnancy symptoms- and then I will check every website to see if anything I am experiencing is on that list... crazy because i know them by heart.
4. Subjecting my husband to the most bizarre lines of questioning that any man ever knew. "Honey (i walk into the bathroom while my husband is brushing his teeth, shirt pulled over my head) do my boobs look bigger to you?", "Honey (same situation) do my nipples look darker?","Honey (again the same) what about my veins to the look more prominent?" This month my husbands responded very politely "Yeah, they kind of look like a road map." Instead of being mad I was ecstatic because any google crazed infertile knows that boobs are the first one to know your pregnant most of the time.
5. Underware checking. As disgusting as it sounds and I might be terrifying you all but everytime I use the rest room I check my underware for any signs of anything. Mucous, implantation bleeding, and that every present gift AF.
6. Every twinge is a cause for concern. When your in your 2ww every time you feel anything it is scrutinized. " I think I'm cramping", "maybe its implantation", "what if the opk's were wrong and I'm ovulating now?".

This list was not meant to horrify, but maybe someone out there identifies with me and they don't have the courage or haven't yet found their voice to write about it. All these things that seem so abnormal are such a normal part of our lives it feels really good to write them down.
The really hard part for the 2ww is that so many of the early pregnancy symptoms mirror the symptoms of PMS and when taking fertility drugs these symptoms are often intensified. For example I woke up this morning to find that my boobs have nearly doubled in size (anyone who knows me knows this is a TALL order), my husband said anything before I even asked, and they are so soar... but that is a side effect of Clomid. SO no celebrating just yet.
The good news, The RE at the end of the tunnel.
Tomorrow Pat and I have an appointment to see an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) so for this 2ww wait the end is near. Because Friday is day 27 of my cycle and we still wont know if I'm pregnant, though typically at this point i have some indication, I am undergoing two hcg blood test 24 hours apart to see if my beta-hcg level is rising or falling. Why not just take a pregnancy test? Well because the injections that I use are hcg (human pregnancy hormone) so the test will give a positive result even if I'm not pregnant. And we don't want to go the RE if I am pregnant. So please everyone keep us in your prayers these next 24 hours will be really telling!

Also thanks for everyone's comments. I felt really good after reading them. And to answer one question, I had told the doctor about the bike riding. He encouraged it because my insulin level was high, but not high enough for medication and exercise naturally brings down insulin. So in my case exercise could have helped natural ovulation. But that point was excellent a lot of women struggling with infertility are too thin. Thanks again for the kind words and prayers!
Cassie