A whirl wind!

These past two weeks have bee such a hectic time! Between traveling for Thanksgiving, trips to Decatur, missing my husband, Christmas shopping, and not decorating my house for Christmas I have little time to think about anything else.
We spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with Pat's parents in Crawfordsville and were able to squeeze in a trip to Decatur. I was finally able to see where we are going to be living shortly and I must say that the whole town smells like Gold fish crackers. Pat compares it to dog food, take your pick. Because they "cook" grain in the center of town the whole place smells!
We also got all of our Christmas shopping done today! WOOO HOOO
And on side note if anyone would please just invite me to their house to look at their Christmas stuff I would really love that! Because our house is going on the market we cannot decorate... :( I love decorating for Christmas and this year doesn't quite feel like a holiday without it!
Hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
CSR

WE'RE MOVING!!

Thats right, the promotion we knew was coming is finally here! My handsome hubs started his new job in Decatur, Illinois this previous Monday. I am so excited and could not be more proud of him and even though Decatur is the soy bean capital of the world it is also a lot larger than Jasper. Starbucks, Target, and Macys OH MY!
Ill keep everyone updated on our move, but who knows how that will go. I just keep praying that our house will sell quickly and I can be reunited with my husband who will now be splitting his time between here and Decatur.
Today I am doing some shopping down in Evansville... hopefully finding some new goodies for our Decatur house!

CSR

Quick Quick Quick

I have a few short minutes! I am currently in the middle of like 100 projects and I cant wait to share them all, it involves a lot of work sanding, scraping, painting.... you get the drift! I'm refinishing furniture!
Also there are some MAJOR changes happening in the Rice house! I cant wait to share them soon! Pray for Pat and I, we are super excited!

Cassie R.

OCD fun fact of the day

Ten percent of the weight of a one year old pillow is made up of dust mites and their excrement. Clean your pillows often and according to the manufactures tag to cut down this number!
Sweet Dreams!
Cassie

Better Late than Never!

This year Pat and I carved 13 pumpkins! We did them all from the Nightmare before Christmas, my favorite Halloween movie! This is my FAVORITE time of the year!
I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!

Day 27

This morning I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I really bummed out, I feel like every month it gets harder and harder to continue. Please pray for us that we can find the strength we need to move forward.
CSR

Day 17

Sorry sorry sorry for not updating as promised! Here's a quick re-cap:
Saturday- We went to the doctor early in the morning for an ultra sound. We had four LARGE follicles and 3 more decent size ones and probably 15-20 small ones. So all in all a good visit. My estradoil blood level was not ready so i still don't know what that was... hmmmm? We did my HCG shot that night and went on with business as usual :)
Monday (Day 14)- We had our IUI done. We got some bad news, although everything with me looked exceptional Patrick's sample was a lot smaller than usual. This was a little heart breaking because just when you think were on the right track BOOM here comes something completely out of left field. Although Patrick does have motility problems his count is always high, really high, doubling or tripling the norm. So we were really bummed out but the nurse told us that it just takes one. Very true! Monday night my mother came to help me with bed rest, I am now doing bed rest after my IUI's to help with the pain and to help my body naturally achieve pregnancy. My mother was a bed rest Nazi and even got snippy with me when I had to tinkle!

Wednesday (Day 16)- Patrick's birthday. We celebrated at home with a Sea Scallop and Steak dinner with roasted asparagus and chocolate dipped strawberries. Yummy! Although I was up moving all day I was still in a great deal of pain and had to lay down a lot. The pain is from my ovaries being stimulated and larger than normal. This pain will go away but if you get pregnant it can be even worse due to the bodies natural production of HCG which will continue to enlarge your ovaries. My right ovary is large than the left so I have been laying on my right side. If I lay on my left I can feel my right ovary hanging down and I am in a tremendous amount of pain.

Today, Day 17, I am doing a lot better! My pain level is going down and I am more awake! We are praying and hoping that this is it! Also today I cannot wait for Thursday night TV. Its my favorite! I think my DVR records something like 8 hours of TV on Thursday nights... crazy I know!
CSR

Day 11

Today, Day 11 is just an ordinary day of shots. I was really able to give myself the shot in fact I like giving it to myself better than letting Patrick do it. It's kinda gross but it's similar to letting someone else pop a pimple for you, it hurts really really bad, but doing it yourself does not really hurt all that much... The first time was kinda difficult, but I just have to tell myself that this is a means to a terrific end!
Tomorrow is a big day for us. Up bright and early for blood work. When you take Follistim and Femara they test your estradoil level to make sure it is similar to the follicle count. For every follicle that you have that produces an egg you should have 100 estradoil level. The last time it was successful I have an estradoil count of 586 and I had lots of follicles but from that number they could tell that only 6 or so were going to release eggs. Really its just another way of keeping track and responsibly using fertility medication. We are hoping for many large follicles tomorrow! After blood work we go in for an ultrasound and then tomorrow night I get the shot of all shots! Exciting news.
Please keep Patrick and I in your prayers, we could really use them!
Ill let you know tomorrow how it all goes!

This was the scene around my house last night! I love my little family so much. That's our 150 great dane curled up in the little corner, my 6 foot husband, and our Wheaton all using the same sofa... I think we may need a sectional!

CSR

Day 8

Today is Day 8 of my cycle, I awoke this morning to find that my stomach looks like a beach ball. Its a good thing though because it means all of the medication is working! We have had two nights of shots so far and they have both went well. Unfortunately, Patrick wont be able to be here tonight so that means I have to give myself a shot. Last night we went through all of the instructions and I was able to give my self the shot for practice tonight.
I let you know how it goes!
CSR

Day 6

Today, Day 6, we begin our injections. Our doctor prefers that we do them at night. For the next 6 days at 9:00 p.m. we will be standing in the kitchen with my shirt pulled up and tucked under my bra, my husband will dial back the correct dose on our Follistim pen/cartridge, hold the pen like a dart, he will aim for the roll of stomach fat I will be holding, inject the needle, push in the dose, count to five, and remove.
All and all not to bad. I am continuing for the next several days to take my oral medication as well. And as for my weight loss last month... here come the pounds. Its a viscous cycle, the month off I loose between 10-12 lbs and the next month with the meds I gain it all back. Oh well, I am willing to do ANYTHING!
From the previews it looks as if the Little Couple on TLC are going to be doing Follistim injections as well, so if you wanna see exactly what they are like tune in!
Ill let you know how they go tomorrow!
CSR

Day 4

Today is not so exciting. This morning started the five days of my oral medication, Femara. Femara was developed as a drug used for breast cancer, but somehow is now used for fertility. I don't mind taking this medication, it is not nearly as bad as the clomid i was taking for a while. This one only has one side effect that i notice and it's kinda neat...
When I first filled my Femara prescription I wondered why the bottle said may cause drowsiness, dizziness, and do not operate a vehicle until you know how this medication effects you. Ok now I know, about 30 min after I take it I feel like I am drunk, not falling down drunk, but slightly buzzed. Oh well at least I have no where to be. I take it every day at 7am and 7pm. Not too stressful!
And my medication finally came this morning at 9:00. So I am free to leave the house and do things now that it is safely in the freezer. I am so excited because this weekend will be full of fun and relaxation! Pat has worked over 100 hours this week and could really use the time off! We get to go to a fancy dinner and maybe do a quick Target run when we go to Louisville!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
CSR

Day 3

Today is day three of my cycle which means that I got to have a baseline ultrasound. They do this ultrasound to make sure that the ovaries are in working order, no cyst, the proper size, etc (because this medication can cause permanent damage). The ultra sound itself is no big deal and really quick. However, I think every time my husband and I see that X-large ultrasound wand we both flinch! Anyone who has ever had this type of ultrasound knows exactly what I am talking about! haha
My right ovary is slightly enlarged, but we are still clear to go ahead with the medication! I am still waiting on my medication to be delivered. I feel like I am being held hostage by the fed-ex man! I cant leave my house because if I miss this it will sit all night in a truck or a warehouse somewhere and it can go bad. Who knows how long those cold pack and coolers really work??? I don't know what you would do if you had a job, i guess get it delivered to work. Oh well now were just waiting on medication!
CSR

Day 1

When you are taking fertility treatments your life becomes all about your cycle. Instead of referring to the day of the month, the 5th, I refer to it as day 1. Today is day 1 because I have started my period this morning. Any given day you could ask me the date and I would have no idea, I could however give you the day of my cycle in a heart beat!
Usually day 1 is filled with sadness and cramps, but for me today is exciting because we get to start another round of fertility medication ( I still have the cramps). This month we are taking Femara and Follistim. Femara is a pill you take for 5 days early in your cycle which help grow the follicles on your ovaries. Follistim is an injection given for 6 days in the second week of your cycle to help grow and mature the follicles even more. I will also be getting an HCG injection to trigger ovulation around day 13. This will be my fourth cycle using these medications, and my 7th IUI (intra-uterine insemination).
We are really excited and hoping that it works this time. It did work last time with this same dose and method, however we were unable to keep the pregnancy. So we know it can work which in the fertility world is huge news! My husband, Patrick, and I have been trying for 23 months now so we are really praying for a miracle!
So our typical day 1 includes making calls to the doctors office, and setting up our intense medicine cycle for the next month. Taking into account our schedule, the doctor's schedule, and the nurse's schedule this can take a while. Then we call Schraft's a specialty mail order pharmacy that deals exclusively with reproductive medication. We the drop a boat load of cash on medication that gets shipped right to our front door in a neat little cooler within about 24 hours. All together that's day 1. Nothing too exciting just slightly time consuming. But, on a funny note Schraft's is located in New Jersey and every time I call there I feel like I'm talking to a cast member from Jersey shore and that makes me laugh.
This is the first of many posts about our day to day, If you have any questions e-mail at cassierice@insightbb.com
CSR

Quick Update:

This past week was filled with enjoyable, but hard work. I spent four days and three nights packing and moving my dad from his house. It was so much fun because my Aunt came from Nashville and we always have such a good time hanging out!
However, someone needs to call A&E because my dad is a hoarder. He has such a hard time getting rid of things its crazy! We had a ten minute argument about a video camera he and my mother purchased in 1992. It was the large shoulder sitting one that recorded straight onto VHS tapes. The irony of the situation was that he no longer owns a VCR to play the tapes and yet he still would not let it go!! Finally after a long discussion and the realization that Goodwill could sell it for 2.00 he parted ways with his beloved video camera. Some other things he chooses to hold onto:
1.Multiple baking dishes of the same size
2. More pots and pans than one man needs, all remarkably similar in size
3. Kitchen Utensils
4. Any pictures or wall hangings ever given to him
From my dad's new place I went to my mom's house and got to spend some quality time with her parents! It was so much fun to catch up and visit with my grandparents who now split their time between Arizona and Washington. We also got to go to the St. James Art Fair in Louisville... So many beautiful things to look at! And last night my mother and her boyfriend Kevin made a crab boil for dinner! YUMMY! Also my grandma made a blueberry pie special for me!
After a long week I am so happy to be home with my husband and my little monster dogs! We are getting ready to start another cycle of fertility drugs this week and we are very excited, because now we know it can work!
Ill keep everyone posted on the day to day this month what all it entails. I have had several people ask and e-mail what happens day to day with these cycles so I'm going to be very specific this month and keep a detailed diary!
CSR

On a lighter note

We (Patrick & I) want to thank everyone for the outpouring of love and support. When I started this blog I never thought it would be this kind of a tool, but it has connected me to some amazing people and helped me grow as a wife and a Christian woman. So again, Thank you to everyone we feel truly blessed to have all of your support and prayers.
On a lighter note I have been finding humor these days all through my life. My husband and dogs might be the funniest people/pets I have every met and I am so grateful to have them in my life. I am spending today in reflection and being thankful for all the blessings I have been given. We have a wonderful and loving God!
I thought I'd share a small conversation my husband and I had the other day that I have been laughing about ever since... Pat and I spent the weekend two weekends ago pretty bummed out. We really didn't leave the house (except for and ice cream run) and we didn't really do anything. We weren't really speaking just a whole lot of quiet. On Sunday night we realized that we had to get my car to the dealer. We made an appt. 2 whole weeks before and I was really tired of driving my husbands huge truck all around so we had to go. Well I had spent all day Sunday in my bathrobe, I was comfortable and not really caring about looking good. So when Pat told me I had follow him in the truck to take my car in I was bummed, I didn't want to change. So I asked Pat "Do I have to get out if I drive the truck?"
"No you just have to scoot over so I can drive home"
"Can I wear my bathrobe then?"
Then Patrick looked me right in the eyes and said the most peculiar thing my husband has ever said to me with the most sincere tone "Yeah... I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life."
Who ever is reading this might not think it's funny, but if you know Pat or I you probably might. I have been laughing about it ever since and every time Pat asks me a question of course I respond with "I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life!"
Along with our dog Henry tooting loudly and frequently, Jersey Shore, and Mennonite in a little black dress the book I am reading, a lot of my time lately has been spent laughing and for that I am really thankful!

Cassie R.

MIA

Once again I find myself apologizing for my absence from blogging, although this time it want due to laziness or lack of information to report it was simply because i was struggling to find the words to update everyone, here goes...
On August 22 I woke up and took a pregnancy test, it was positive. I have never been happier in my entire life, I jumped on Patrick and we both laid in bed and cried we were so excited. Our dream had finally come true. Monday morning I called the doctor and we went in for blood work, it came back positive that we were in fact pregnant, however because we are fertility patients the standard is that you repeat blood work to make sure it is not left over HCG hormone from the injection. We repeated the blood work on Wednesday and found that my HCG level had risen, but my progesterone was low. I immediately was placed on oral progesterone and ordered to repeat the blood work on Friday. Friday afternoon we found out that my HCG level was falling, and the next Monday at 6 1/2 weeks I miscarried.
I cant even begin to to tell you how devastated we are. Our journey has been long and hard. We have been trying to get pregnant now for 1 year and 9 months. We are struggling, we have found strength in each other and in the lord, but we are still struggling for the strength to go on and continue this process.
I'm sorry if this post hurt any one of my close friends who I did not tell, I am sorry you had to find out this way, but I hope you realize its because I couldn't find the strength to tell you without breaking down. Patrick and I made the decision to only share with our family while this was going on. Our families were a great source of strength and inspiration and for that I am truly grateful for them.
We are going to continue to try for children. I was told that my chances of conceiving this month are high, and we will be doing another cycle of injections if this does not work. This is getting harder every month.

Cassie R.

Got along without you before I met you couldn't get along without you now.

Thank you so much to my amazing friend Laura. Today Laura dropped what she was doing to help me re-work my blog and she made me the beautiful header! You are such an amazing friend and I love you!

I have had so many wonderful times with you and you mean so much to me, I am so blessed to have you in my life. I could definitely NOT get along without you!

Everyone can read Laura's incredible blog and check out her new handsome puppers at http://uptowngrace.blogspot.com/

Cassie R.

To Pumice or not to pumice?

Around my house funny things are always going on I feel like my husband and myself are constantly laughing at each other, and that is a wonderful blessing. So today I thought I'd share one of my favorite beauty secrets and a funny anecdote to go along with.

First the funny: In May my husband broke out the flip flops, his beloved rainbows. I have had mine for years. I venture to say its one thing i could not live without them. Well my darling says to me me "my feet are really nasty, like cracky and stuff." Anyone who knows me knows I don't like feet, i hate them. So i told him he could go get a pedicure and they would fix it or I could buy a new pumice stone and he could work on them gradually at home. Pat opted for the at home option so I bought a pumice stone. I even bought a fancy two sided one, one side course for feet and one side soft for hands, elbows, and others skin spots. I told Pat I bought it, I put it in the shower, and I explained to him how to use it. "Wait until your feet get a little soft from the water, and then rub the course side on the bottom of your feet. It will take off the dead skin."
The next afternoon I got the funniest phone call in which my husband said this " Are you sure that thing you bought is OK? My feet hurt so bad I can barely walk on them, I think I may even be bleeding a little bit!" I surely didn't know what to say I had used the pumice by now and my foot situation was A OK! I asked Pat if he waited for the water to make them soft to which he replied. "Yes I waited, that's why my shower was so long this morning. I waited like 5 min until my feet were sooth then I pumiced each foot for like 10 min." BAHAHAHA He had literally pumiced all the skin off the bottom of his feet. And the funny thing is i can really see him in the shower going to town on his feet. How silly. Needless to say now Pat refuses to use the pumice and he doesn't like that every time I think about it I laugh out loud! A grown man literally pumiced all the skin off his feet!
Ok enough picking on Pat now for the beauty tip:
The other side of the pumice stone, the fine side that is to be used on skin is a wonderful exfoliator. About every third time I shave my legs I lather up my legs with my dove bar and then use the pumice stone to exfoliate. I rub it against the hair all up and down my legs then I shave. My legs have never been so smooth, my razor rash has almost completely gone away, and I have been able to cut down the number of leg shaves in a week! It really stays smoother longer. I would how ever be weary to buy the right pumice stone. The one I bought was from Walmart it was green on one side and white on the other (the white side is the skin side). Its a wonderful summer short season beauty tip!
Disclaimer: Pumice at your own risk! It can be dangerous!

Cassie R.

A very fine line

Just a quick update: Early this morning Patrick and I headed to the doctor, this is the normal day we get a follicle scan to see how many follicles I have developed. Last month was a major disappointment, I had only developed one follicle... not this month. I gasped with horror as the Ultra-sound technician swirled the wand around and it looked my ovaries have been replaced with a group of balloons! I had 2 follicles over the size of 18, 10 over 16, and 4 more over 15. The ones over 18 will definitely release an egg and the ones over 15 could potentially release one. Needless to say I am a little freaked... So wish us luck and pray for us as we start the next phase. Tonight is the HCG injection (big honking needle in my back) and then Friday morning we are being inseminated again! We have a higher risk of multiples with this cycle, but we'll be so happy with anything! Which brings me to my next point...
Through out this journey there have been several time where I felt it was awkward to talk about infertility. I think that some people don't know what to say to me, some people might be embarrassed, and then there is the select few who doesn't care and will say whatever they want no feelings spared. Well I am here to set the record straight, I cant speak for every infertile out there but I can speak for myself!

Things you should avoid saying to someone who is having problems conceiving:
1. "You're one of those people who is never going to get pregnant because that's all you think about." NOT KIDDING an actual really good friend said this to me. This is unacceptable.
2. "How are you feeling (head nod and drawn out)?" This question does get asked in regards to the medication I'm injecting or the hormones, but always at the end of the cycle when the person asking wants to know if it has worked. Actually I'm feeling fine because once again I'm NOT pregnant! If you wanna ask someone if they are pregnant, at least in my case just come out and ask.
3. "You'll have a baby when God thinks you're ready." This one did not irk me until recently. I believe in his perfect timing and I do not question that a baby is a blessing from God, but you cannot tell me that the girls on Teen Mom were more "ready" to be a mother than me. Do get me wrong I know that Heavenly Father will give me a baby, and I have come to terms with the fact that this will not happen in my timing. The problem I have lies in the word "ready". Rather or not you know it by saying this I feel attacked, that somehow I could be doing something else to be more "ready" or that I'm not being a good enough Christian. If you think all these things haven't crossed my mind then your wrong, its all that goes through my mind.
4. "You wanna know how to get pregnant??? Stop Trying" If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that... I could pay for my IVF! Anyone who has taken any sort of fertility medication knows that it is not always that easy. It is a constant thought and strain on you. Everyday is something else, an injection, an ultrasound, blood work, insemination and in order to keep it all straight you must think about it sometimes. And its true everybody has a cousin, a friend, or a co-worker who "tried for years and then when they quit trying BOOM just like magic they were pregnant" Well I pray that I could be that lucky, however in order for me to ovulate I must take medication which starts the circle all over again.

I know that was a really bitter rant, but sometimes people say the wrong things. People also say the right things, or nothing at all. I understand its a very fine line an most people do not feel comfortable speaking about it. All I am asking is that people put a little thought into what they're saying.
I recently had a friend who I haven't spoken with in years write me an amazing message on facebook and it was the most thoughtful thing that anyone has said to me since I started this journey. I really wanted to share it because I think if anyone reading this blog knows anyone going through this process you should tell them this-

"Hey Cassie! I was just looking around facebook, come up on your page and found your blog! As I was reading I cried and laughed with you! You have made me even more grateful for my little lady. I am so sorry that having a baby is so difficult for you and your husband, but I love the way you all have grown with each other through the process. I have no idea what you are going through, but I do know that you are going to make one of the best moms there ever will be, you already are a mom at heart, putting yourself through everything you are going through! "

I cant tell you how much this meant to me. It was an amazing gift of words and the perfect thing to say to someone dealing with infertility! Every time I read it I tear up. Not everyone facing infertility is the same, but I feel like having kind words and thoughts is way better than any advise. I ask that you please lift Pat and I up in your prayers this month. We are really hoping for a miracle!

Cassie R.

A whole month later

So sorry I haven't been blogging I cannot believe that it has been a whole month. Pat and I have had sooooo much going on, our lives are so busy. Here's whats been going on...

1. Right when we got home from vacation we started another cycle of injections. We did the same thing as the previous injection cycle, 5 days of femara and 5 injections of follistim followed by an ultrasound an HCG injection and IUI. This month we were as always really really hopeful, I kept myself super super busy and tried not to think about it too much (like that's possible). Well I am really disappointed to say that it didn't work. We kind of had a small glitch, when we went for out ultrasound around the middle of our cycle I only had one mature developed follicle. Well the last cycle I had almost 5 and this cycle 1! NO GOOD! I was super disappointed because here we are paying a lot of money and investing a lot of emotion into the process and we only had one follicle, and we had better results taking clomid (aprox $16) than injections ($$$$$). I was so frustrated, but remaining positive because technically all you need is one follicle that's what most normal women have every month, however this past month was another disappointment.

2. The day after our IUI we went to Louisville for my mother's boyfriend, Kevin's birthday. We had a wonderful weekend filled with swimming, cooking out, kayaking, fishing, and visiting. I had such an amazing time and I was really keeping my mind off of our situation. While we were at my mom's house Kevin's grandchildren came over for a cookout and swim. Pat and I had such an amazing time with these children. They are Jenna 7, and Chase 8. They are two wonderful loving kids who maybe haven't had the most stable home life so far. And I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing that Pat and I don't have many children in our life so we don't have any interaction at all with kids, but after that day spent swimming and fishing with those kids who weren't even ours both mine and Pats hearts were so full. Its days like that spent with children that re-energizes us in this process to become parents, it reminds us really why were doing this.

3. Upon coming home from Louisville I decided I wanted to re-do my guest bathroom. I wanted to make it more a part of the house. When we moved in we painted the entire house in 3 days and the guest bathroom just got the left over paint from the office. I was never entirely thrilled with it, it has never been my favorite so with a little inspiration from the DIY network and magazine, it went from

Really boring! This room was a dark beige color which i love in the office but for this room which has no natural light it was way to dark. The light fixture matched the wall color so you couldn't see it at all and it was just blah. With a little research I added the molding treatment to the wall, thanks to Amy Mathews from the DIY network, i felt inspired! I Then painted it a hideous color (another post to follow), then a gray green! After a week of work, mostly painting I love it!

4. The Hubs and I installed crown molding in all of the rooms of our house. It took forever, cutting, nailing, patching, sanding, taping, painting, and caulking, and caulking again because the first time I did it I used clear caulk which dried clear and did nothing! Also we paint the tray ceiling and installed crown up there, It took forever and we had to drop cloth everything in our room, but it turned out beautifully!

5. After completing the crown molding I took off for Louisville to stay the night with my dad and his girlfriend, Dee. I stayed at their condo for the night so the next morning I could pick up my friend Laura from the airport! I was so lucky because all of my best friends came to see me! Laura flew in from Charlotte, Alli (who is home from Kuwait) came from Columbus, Kim came from Lexington, and Katherine came from Indianapolis. POOR PAT! Everyone stayed in our tiny house but it was sooo fun! I had an amazing time being surrounded by my supportive and loving friends. On Saturday we headed about an hour South to Owensboro and stayed the night with Lindsey in her old/new BEAUTIFUL home! It was such a blast being with everyone! Then Sunday night I took Laura back to the airport :( and then headed back to Jasper.

6. Monday morning bright and early I headed down through Owensboro again to pick up my cousin Little Laura. Little Laura stayed with us all week and we went fishing, and exploring, and to the movies! Ill write more about that later. We also had sooo much fun!

7. Which brings me to now. Because I only had one follicle last time my doctors let me do another cycle right away, without taking a break. So I am all swollen (I look about 4 months pregnant) and hormonal, but so excited. The doctors have up-ed my dose which has resulted in more cramps, back pain, dizziness, and crying, but if there's anything Ive learned in the past month being around children it is that I will do anything to become a mom, ANYTHING!

I promise to blog more this month...it is my mission. We have so many BIG things happening ill keep you posted! Until then God Bless!

Cassie R.

Home Sweet Home

Pat and I made it home from vacation! We had a wonderful time, so relaxing. However, I was a total failure at taking pictures. I did not take one picture the whole trip!
The good news is when we got home we were greeted by these pretties! While we were gone my delphinium plants bloomed so I cut some and and put them in the kitchen! I think they are so beautiful!

Also before we left my dad's house in Louisville I spied an amazingly huge lavender bush I had never seen before! So I cut this group out, didn't even make a dent in the plant... Its huge! Anyone who knows me knows that Lavender is my absolute favorite!

After all the traveling I cant tell you how good it feels to be at home with the dogs and my husband! We are relaxed, rejuvenated, and ready to start another cycle. This week my old friend AF came to visit. Although we did not take any hormones this past cycle I was still praying that we would be one of those couples that magically get pregnant on their month off. Well not so much. So Monday I started, and yesterday I went in for a baseline ultrasound. This measures my ovaries to ensure they are not hyper-stimulated. My ovaries were tiny so we are all set to go. This morning was the first pills of the month and Friday we will begin our injection cycle again!

I am trying to remain positive, but stay relaxed. In the months past I woke up every morning at the same time to take my temperature. This would show a temperature spike at ovulation and then fluctuate, then rise to stay steadily high for a few weeks. While doing this I analyzed every little fluctuation, every time it dropped a degree I freaked out. And the worse part is that every morning I woke up with a reminder that I am still not pregnant. This cycle is different. Forget the thermometer I'm flying blind, well as blind as I can with scheduled injections, ultrasounds, and IUI.

This month I am also not going to do any ovulation kits. While doing the injections and having an HCG trigger shot I will ovulate so I am not gonna freak myself out I'm just going to try and relax! Easier said than done!
God Bless,

Cassie R.

Were off!

Pat and I are leaving for VACATION tomorrow!! I am so excited were starting this weekend with a wedding, Pats sister is getting married and then the whole family is taking off to Dale Hollow for a little House Boating action!! Fishing, Swimming, Sliding, beer, and relaxation!! Plus the ultimate NO CELL SERVICE! I am gonna take tons of pictures and hopefully have some good memories to share!

God Bless,
Cassie R,

Im going Sew Crazy!

I made my first quilt! I was so excited, Sunday I bought some cheap fabric and made a quilt! It only took me 2 days and I love it!

I had so much nervous/anxious energy I had to put it out there! I cant wait to make some more!

Cassie R.

I used to be a door...

SO as you could probably infer from my absence we are not pregnant. After all of last months efforts and trying we were still unsuccessful, and I know that a couple posts ago I was all empowered and defining my own successful behavior, but it still hurts. It really hurts. Last Tuesday my period started and I hit the couch for a marathon of wallowing. For two days I did not eat, shower, cook, clean, or move. This was a hard one my friends. Every month it gets harder. I was even more hurt when the nurse told me that their protocol for injectable treatments is one month on, one month off. So this month we are NOT taking any drugs. We are gonna let nature run its course and see what happens and after my couch coma last month I think my husband is happy to get his wife back! So of course what do I do, make a project for my husband and I!

On our back patio we have a high kinda pub table thing. It is really nice, it is a hand me down from my dads girlfriend but I still love it. However, we cant have people over for dinner because it only seats two people. So this weekend my husband and I set out with one goal in mind... patio furniture. First let me give you a bit of back story. Last Spring my friend Allison and I drove all the way to IKEA in Cincinnati and when we got there I fell in love with some patio furniture. It was classic black with benches and a table. So I bought it... or at least I thought I did. When we got home (4 hours away in Jasper) I opened the boxes to find I had bought 3 benches instead of 2 benches and a table. We could never find the time to go back and return it so we were stuck with 3 benches. We assembled 2 and put them, around our fire pit. I still wanted a table! In keeping with my whole recycling theme the hubs and I hit our local antique store for an old door that we could turn into a table. After just a little hard work and 2 days we have a new unique patio table for under 40.00!

We Started with this very old door. It is tongue and grove and kind of important not paneled so it is a flat surface

We then added support with some left over molding and removed the doors old support

Then my handsome husband and I made a mitered box frame to support the table and add bracing for the legs. We attached it with simple inexpensive L brackets and wood screws.We used inexpensive deck spindles for the legs 2.97 each. I spray painted them black ahead of time to distress them later!

We attached all the legs with our nail gun to the frame.

When we flipped over the table we realized how high it really was, so we cut down all the legs so the table would be 30 inches. Voila! A table!

Now I gave the whole thing a coat of antique white paint.

Then I mixed a polyurethane and stain glaze with black walnut stain. I distressed the legs a little but on the top I used the glaze hitting the high spots, filling in lines, and using a little bit of dry brushing, then I used the rest of the clear poly to cover the whole table to protect it outdoors.

Then we put the original hardware back on, the key hole, and knob hole.

Here you have it outside with our weathered benches. I can't wait to eat out here! And I keep telling Pat that if our next house has a formal dining room and an eat-in kitchen then we are using this as a table! He says no but I don't care, we will totally use it!I keep thinking that if this table could talk it would say... "I used to be a door, thanks for giving me a new job." Who doesnt love new job?

I am so excited to hang out with the girls tonight and watch Glee! I hope everyone has a wonderful short week!

Cassie R.

Disconnect

The other day my husband and I were watching one of my favorite shows (baby themed of course) Making room for multiples. This show follows people who are pregnant with multiples through the last month of their pregnancy and the first couple months home with the babies. Gotta love TLC programming! Usually the people on this show have undergone IVF in order to become pregnant, however the other day Pat and I were snuggling on the couch watching the show when this really small woman had a HUGE belly started telling her story, We giggled and listened. To my surprise she and her husband had not undergone IVF. They took Femara, Follistim, and had IUI... They same treatment I have been on. I got a huge smile on my face thinking immediately it was a sign. That god was telling me (yelling at me) to stay positive, That this treatment can and will work!
Then it all took a turn for the worse. I was watching as she and her husband were juggling babies, throwing poopie diapers, and parading a troop of volunteers through their house. And then it hit me. THIS COULD WORK. I could be having multiples.
My husband and I met with the doctor before starting this aggressive treatment for a consultation and the doc looked me in the eyes and said "You do realize this greatly increases your chance of multiples, Would you be ok with that?" To which I actually responded "Dr. B at this point I could be pregnant with 10 babies and deliver them all out my nose and be happy!" He laughed and moved on. For any infertile the thought of having multiple babies is really great. You mean I could have two for the price of one...
Until now. While watching this show I saw this wonder woman of a mother bathing one child, making a bottle for another, while carrying the third. Then it really hit me. We could even have one baby and I still wouldn't know what to do with it! This may sound crazy, but somewhere a long the way a disconnect occurred it may have been my self-preservation skills kicking in, who knows, but I had lost the vision of me with a baby. When we first started trying my days were filled with looking at baby furniture on-line, reading what to expect books, and dreaming of nurseries. Some where a long the way I lost that. Now all the focus has been on GETTING pregnant. I haven't in a long time even imagined what it would be like to have a bump, or have a baby shower. All I can visualize is the positive pregnancy test, that's where it stops. While watching this silly half hour show all of those thoughts came flooding back and I was so overwhelmed and I started crying. This could really be it.
Pat and I are smack in the middle of our 2ww and this weekend we are heading north to visit his parents and hopefully take my mind off things. As we have moved forward with this journey the 2ww's have gotten more intense (probably an exact correlation to the increase amount of synthetic hormones I am pumping into my system). With every failed cycle we wait with more anticipation, more hope, and more heart break. However this month I am really positive in a way that I haven't been in a while. I'm letting myself feel it all again and although it scares me I am so proud to report I was laying in bed last night decorating a nursery in my head!
Thank you all for your continued prayers, thoughts, and kind words!

Hoping & Praying

Cassie R.

My Black Thumb...

Has turned GREEN! The clematis on the mail box last year it only grew 6 inches!

My Hydrangea finally bloomed for the first time!

I planted lavender in the back yard and IT GREW! Last year I killed 10 container plants including 2 lavender.

Our Rose bushes finally bloomed!

And my wisteria came back!!!! We up-rooted it from the front yard in early Spring and put it a pot and it just came back, I thought it was long gone! However now when we move we can take it with us!

Our Cherry tree bloomed earlier this Spring and it was Beautiful!



And our flocks bloomed! So pretty!

I am so proud of Patrick and I for really putting in the hard work. We did all the landscaping ourselves at our house to try and save money. Last year we bought all small plants (another way to save money) and this year it is so neat to see them bloom, blossom, mature, and grow!

God Bless,

Cassie R.